My Affirmations

I am happy

I came up with $90,000 and bought a vending machine company

I am successful in my business and all of my relationships

I serve others on a daily basis

I always remember what's really important in life

My house is ALWAYS clean (yippee!)

I embrace opportunities to stretch myself and do so every day

I have a strong, loving, spiritual marriage that strengthens every day

I trust

I follow my natural knowing always and without hesitation or question

I am a Powerful, Passionate, Beautiful Woman and through my Passion I create Inspiration, Peace and Joy.

Today I decided....

A lot of stuff actualy. Today I spent a considerable amount of time in introspection.... I noticed some things about myself that weren't easy to swallow and, at the same time, I learned some really cool things too and decided to stop doing things the way I have been doing them once and for all.

Lets start with power... some people are truly very powerful people and just don't realize it. I, on the other hand, know how powerful I am and I have been choosing not to live that way because #1, it scares me to death and #2, I haven't wanted to make anyone else feel like they are smaller than me ( I do a pretty good job of playing the small part). I have always excelled at EVERYTHING I have ever attempted to do...I learn really fast and get bored very easily which is why I dropped out of high school not once, but twice! Not only did I get bored with school, I got bored with basketball, color guard, track..... you name it. I needed a challenge so I dropped out of school, got my GED without studying for it and enrolled myself in the community college. I wanted to be a psychologist. Not because I wanted to know what was wrong with everyone else, or the typical I wanted to know why "People do what they do" answer, but because I wanted to know why I was the way that I was. (that's a whole nother post!)

This I realized while driving my 3 year old to ballet this morning...I do most of my thinking while driving! LOL I have been playing the quiet, unimportant, just go with the flow roll for way too long and I am really tired of it! I am tired of being insignificant and being taken advantage of. I want to use my power, fullfill my purpose, do what I want to do and stop taking the back seat in my own life so that other people around me can fulfill their goals and dreams. My goals are important too! I want to paint, I want to open an art studio, I want to write the book I started writting 3 years ago, I want to open a shelter for homeless families...I want to make my own money, I want to go to shows, ballets, plays, art museums and movies and not be the one who always has to find the babysitter. I want to be able to do what I want to do and have the time and money to do it!

So, that is what I am going to do from this moment forward. I am no longer trapped in the mom/wife roll where I get to make sure everyone else is taken care of while forgetting about myself. I am reconnecting with me and it feels GREAT!

Giovani Carter Martin

After all the fun my Doctor decided it would be a good idea to induce me so we went in to the hospital about 9:30a on October 19th to start the process. After HOURS of increasing my pitocin level and only dilating 1 measly cm (I started at 3 so I was 4) and after my OB got out of church...he decided to break my water then, go home for dinner. After the whole water breaking fun the contractions got worse (duh) and at around 6:15p the baby was on the move and Carter had to run out of the room to get the nurse, who got the doctor who made it just in time! Giovani was born at 6:20p on October 19th (my sis Shannon's 21st bday) he weighed 7lbs 2 oz and was 19 inches long and just perfect! I feel so blessed to have my family complete and to have Vinny home. :)

Morphine....and Sleep

SO, after my 4th trip to L&D last night, my contractions were 2 min apart lasting about 45 sec....which is what they should do to pop a baby out...but for some reason my lovely cervix wasn't cooperating and after 3 hours I was still only 3cm so I got to be drugged up and sent home.

This really pisses me off! The whole give the pregnant girl some morphine and not tell her she will still be feeling shitty ALL day tomorrow....evil joke! So, I am NEVER EVER again letting crazy hospital people give me anything for pain or anything in general...bastards!

So, I have been sleeping and dizzy all day and I have a headache, my whole body aches and my head is spinning........how am I suppose to take care of my kids like this!? I am VERY not happy with the whole situation! And, btw I am 37 weeks so why the hell couldn't they just do something to induce me??? I swear my doctor is on crack!

That's my ranting for today

Is this baby EVER coming out????

So, here it is that I find myself 37 weeks and 2 days prego...which is really good for me, considering I generally deliver around 36 weeks. And, I have been 3 cm and 80% for like a week and a half!!! WTC? All the baby stuff is ready and so am I so let's get this show on the road! Although, I was thinking in the shower this morning and if he waits until October 17th that would be pretty cool because then all of us october people would have our bdays 6 days apart! Matthieu's is the 5th, Nathan's is the 11th, Giovani's COULD be the 17th, Andreau's is the 23rd and mine is the 29th. I think that would be pretty awesome! But, if Giovani decides to appear sooner, like today....I wouldn't complain!

Groceries.....UGH

It appears that I spend well over $800 at the grocery store. Let me remind you that's just at the grocery store, not including eating out, which we do way too much :)
So, my goal is to spend $500 a month on groceries while providing my family with much healthier, non processed choice..... as much as possible. This means no more foods, drinks with High Fructose Corn Syrup for one...that stuff will kill ya! And, I am also going to be making bread vs buying it, and making as many things as I can from scratch at home.... we shall see how it goes. I get pretty impatient when it comes to baking....I have also subscribed to a website called www.myfoodstoragedeals.com where I can not only be cost effective on my groceries, bt build my food storage at the same time.
I am a little excited to see if I can reach my goal...and also cut our eating out expenses ateast in half. Wish me luck!

What is Mormon anyway?

So, growing up in a family where we weren't part of any religion really, when I found myself 18 and prego I decided that maybe it was time to pick one, and after meeting my future husband and lots of prayer and missionary discussions, I decided to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Let me start off by saying that me becoming "Mormon" was and is NOT a bad thing. However, I do have some quarrels with myself for feeling like I had to completely change who I was and am because of my religion and I started to care WAAAAYYYYY too much about what other people, especially people at church thought about me. Now I can see why so many LDS women are depressed and addicted to prescription drugs, among other things.

I really feel like within the church, relief society especially, there is this unspoken molly mormon competition going on and the large majority of LDS women thouroughly enjoy gossiping about other LDS women. So, we (and I) try to fit into this superficial mold and on sunday we make sure to dress nicely and be polite all the while judging every person in the room. And, heaven for bid if two people in suday school have different opinions on something! It quickly goes from sunday school to and all out I am right and you are wrong brawl! I just h ave to sit back and laugh! I didn't think I went to church to experience contention. Whew.... now that the venting is over....I feel better :)

The point of this particular post is that I refuse to be a "Molly Mormon". I am going back to just being Sara. I am going to dye my hair crazy colors if I want to, and I do. And, I may even add some more tattoos to my collection. Listen to punk and ska again and just be my crazy self. AND none of that makes me less worthy to enter the temple! So, HA HA HA!

We were put on this earth to be happy, and pretending to be something I am not does not make me happy!